Temporal Lobe Anomaly

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This post is part of the Epilepsy Blog Relay™ which will run from June 1 through June 30. Follow along and add comments to posts that inspire you!

I told my husband, Adam, that I was going to write about epilepsy and everyday life.  He laughed and asked me, “Do you know what everyday life is?” I laughed back.  It might seem harsh, but it’s true.  I guess I don’t really know what everyday life is.  Everyday is different.  There are days of consciousness, days of unconsciousness, and days of semi-consciousness.  There are good days, bad days, seizure days, recovery days, manic days, depressive days, even some regular, old, I-feel-like-a-normal-person days.  Everyday is a surprise when you live with seizures.  Some days you stay conscious all day long.  Some days not so much.

It’s shocking what ten short seconds can do to you.  I blipped in and out of consciousness and found myself on the floor.  I was not bleeding because my husband helped me lay down instead of falling face-first like seizures are prone to do.  (Get it?!!  Prone!)  Now I’m tired and weepy.  I thought things were going so well.

I went four whole months of consciousness and normal sleep patterns.  Now I am back to square one.  Square negative one.  My brain had an electrical storm and now I will be soft and squishy for days.  Sleep will descend like a meteor.  My windows are shattered from the impact.

I don’t want to admit how quickly doing so much better can go to smashed face into the corner of the sink and bleeding broken on the floor.  Fours month wasn’t forever, but I was starting to think it was.  Maybe I could go six months without seizure.  I would make a sign and take a selfie like all my Epi Friends online.  Ten seconds later and all that shit has been destroyed.  At least my husband was in the bathroom with me.  This time I woke up on the floor confused and tired, but unharmed.  There is always that at least.  My tongue doesn’t even hurt.  I didn’t wake up in the hospital naked.

Bathrooms are extra deadly for epileptics.  All that porcelain and water.  I read about people who have died in the bathtub all the time.  All the time.  I didn’t fall out of the shower, I just stepped out of the shower and started to fall to the ground.  That’s what my husband tells me.  I needed him to tell me.  I don’t know what happened.  I came to full consciousness in bed, with him telling me he was staying home from work.  Because I had a seizure.  That’s always news to me.  You don’t know what you don’t know.

This was what I would term “a small seizure”  I was only unconscious for a short time, not hours.  I feel unable to do anything, to attend to anything.  I hope I will remember to brush my teeth.  My children will not be fed by my hand today.  My husband has to do it all.  I’m just trying not to fall over.  I wore my shirt inside out.  I discovered it hours into the afternoon.  Just another day of everyday life with epilepsy.

The floor always wins. Today it was a soft landing at least.

NEXT UP: Be sure to check out the next post tomorrow by Abby Gustus Alford at livingwellwithepilepsy.com for more on Epilepsy Awareness. For the full schedule of bloggers visit livingwellwithepilepsy.com. And don’t miss your chance to connect with bloggers on the #LivingWellChat  June 30, 2017 at 7pm EST.

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Filed under Essays, Living w/ Epilepsy, Non-fiction

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